Last night the Mindshifters group in Woodstock, IL watched the second half of the video lecture by Dr. Michael Ryce titled: The Circle of Life and How To Play It. Once again the content of the video stirred intense reactions among the fourteen people watching, and led to a very animated discussion on a variety of topics. Because of the nature of this lecture it covers many areas of our human lives, from health and wellness to relationship, to our individual lives purposes.
This led to questions during the discussion about “How do we know when we should stay in a relationship?”, and “How do we know when we should leave a relationship?”, and “What are the factors that tell me that an interaction I am having in a relationship is beneficial to my healing? (the removal of what is less than Love within me), and “What factors tell me that this interaction is abusive and I should change my part in it, or end the relationship?” We discussed how that decision is always a very personal one, and is different for every person and situation.
We also discussed how common it is for people who are new to this work to take away the impression that they should stay in an abusive relationship because it is bringing up hostility and fear in them and they need to heal it. This often happens because this work is so focused on Love and acceptance and the avoiding of blame. We discussed how there is nothing in this work that teaches people to stay in an abusive situation. This work is all about how, when I find myself in an abusive situation, and I have anger, fear or sadness triggered within me, I need to cancel and dismantle the anger, fear, or sadness and restore the condition of Love to my mind in order to have the best evidence and in order to know how best to act to protect myself and others. This work is based on the observation that the first Law is that we have the condition of Love in our minds when we think of God or our “neighbor”, (meaning anyone we think of), in order to restore our true self, and have access to true intelligence. This work realizes that whenever there is anger or fear present in my mind, my mind is in “darkness” and my effective IQ is near zero. This work is based on the observation that the only times I do things that I later regret are when I act while there is a negative emotion active in my mind.
So, when I work to restore the awareness of my true nature as Love to my mind I begin to see things clearly and I am able to act with Love and respect and hold the people around me accountable for their actions and choices in a Loving and respectful way. It may be appropriate to set limits differently in a relationship that has developed an abusive pattern, or it may be appropriate to end that relationship and release that person to pursue that type of behavior or pattern with someone else. As Guy Finley so clearly states in his talks, “If I have clearly stated what I feel is acceptable in a relationship and which behaviors I am willing to engage in and which behaviors I am not willing to engage in, and the other person chooses to continue in those behaviors, I am not responsible for ‘What They Put Themselves Through’ when I release them from my life.”
Another reason that it is so common for people who are new to this work to come away with the impression that they are being told they should stay in an abusive relationship is that this is the way they have been programmed by their culture and their family. We know from this work that we can only understand what we have “brain cells” to understand. We can only learn from and build upon our experiences and we need to be gentle with ourselves when we encounter truly new material. It will take many multiple repetitions of exposure to new material, while holding the idea that what I already “know” is either only partially true or completely false, before I will understand all there is to the new material. It takes someone with brain cells full of the energy of anger, fear, confusion, betrayal, and being a victim to interpret these teachings about Love and compassion, respect, and healing as though they are telling people to stay in an abusive relationship.
So, please be gentle with yourself and others as you explore these ideas and work to remove everything that is less than Love from your mind’s and body’s energy system. As you do so you will be able to see your true nature and the true nature of all those around you more and more quickly and easily and your true intelligence will be restored. When that happens you won’t have to ask anyone else about what is abusive and what is Loving, about what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. You will be living, breathing and acting from a space of Love that will benefit you and all those around you.
There is much more to say about this and it will come up over and over again in different lectures and blogs posts and I welcome comments and questions on this very important issue.
We Come From Love, We Are Made Of Love, We Are Love! Everything else is false.