Last night the Mindshifters group in Woodstock, IL watched the second half of the video lecture by Dr. Michael Ryce titled: The Circle of Life and How To Play It. Once again the content of the video stirred intense reactions among the fourteen people watching, and led to a very animated discussion on a variety of topics. Because of the nature of this lecture it covers many areas of our human lives, from health and wellness to relationship, to our individual lives purposes.

This led to questions during the discussion about “How do we know when we should stay in a relationship?”, and “How do we know when we should leave a relationship?”, and “What are the factors that tell me that an interaction I am having in a relationship is beneficial to my healing? (the removal of what is less than Love within me), and “What factors tell me that this interaction is abusive and I should change my part in it, or end the relationship?” We discussed how that decision is always a very personal one, and is different for every person and situation.

We also discussed how common it is for people who are new to this work to take away the impression that they should stay in an abusive relationship because it is bringing up hostility and fear in them and they need to heal it. This often happens because this work is so focused on Love and acceptance and the avoiding of blame. We discussed how there is nothing in this work that teaches people to stay in an abusive situation. This work is all about how, when I find myself in an abusive situation, and I have anger, fear or sadness triggered within me, I need to cancel and dismantle the anger, fear, or sadness and restore the condition of Love to my mind in order to have the best evidence and in order to know how best to act to protect myself and others. This work is based on the observation that the first Law is that we have the condition of Love in our minds when we think of God or our “neighbor”, (meaning anyone we think of), in order to restore our true self, and have access to true intelligence. This work realizes that whenever there is anger or fear present in my mind, my mind is in “darkness” and my effective IQ is near zero. This work is based on the observation that the only times I do things that I later regret are when I act while there is a negative emotion active in my mind.

So, when I work to restore the awareness of my true nature as Love to my mind I begin to see things clearly and I am able to act with Love and respect and hold the people around me accountable for their actions and choices in a Loving and respectful way. It may be appropriate to set limits differently in a relationship that has developed an abusive pattern, or it may be appropriate to end that relationship and release that person to pursue that type of behavior or pattern with someone else. As Guy Finley so clearly states in his talks, “If I have clearly stated what I feel is acceptable in a relationship and which behaviors I am willing to engage in and which behaviors I am not willing to engage in, and the other person chooses to continue in those behaviors, I am not responsible for ‘What They Put Themselves Through’ when I release them from my life.”

Another reason that it is so common for people who are new to this work to come away with the impression that they are being told they should stay in an abusive relationship is that this is the way they have been programmed by their culture and their family.  We know from this work that we can only understand what we have “brain cells” to understand.  We can only learn from and build upon our experiences and we need to be gentle with ourselves when we encounter truly new material.  It will take many multiple repetitions of exposure to new material, while holding the idea that what I already “know” is either only partially true or completely false, before I will understand all there is to the new material.  It takes someone with brain cells full of the energy of anger,  fear, confusion, betrayal, and being a victim to interpret these teachings about Love and compassion, respect, and healing as though they are telling people to stay in an abusive relationship.

So, please be gentle with yourself and others as you explore these ideas and work to remove everything that is less than Love from your  mind’s and body’s energy system.  As you do so you will be able to see your true nature and the true nature of all  those around you more and  more quickly and easily and your true intelligence will be restored.  When that happens you won’t have to ask anyone else about what is abusive and what is Loving, about what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.  You will be living, breathing and acting from a space of Love that will benefit you and all those around you.

There is much more to say about this and it will come up over and  over again in different lectures and blogs posts and I welcome comments and questions on this very important issue.

We Come From Love, We Are Made Of Love,  We Are Love!  Everything else is false.

Last Tuesday night the Mindshifters Support group in Woodstock, IL watched the first part of the lecture titled: The Circle of Life and How To Play It, by Dr. Michael Ryce. This lecture brought up many questions for people, and a lively discussion ensued between the eight group members who were in attendance. The biggest take away from the lecture is that there is an identifiable process we can use to get ourselves back on track to a productive approach to life, whenever we veer off the productive path. The productive path in life is defined by knowing how the Laws of Living actually function and realizing that if I am in pain, I am in error, and most likely my error is some form of denial of truth. This is usually some form of blaming outside people and circumstances for an unpleasant emotion or circumstance in my life.

One of the difficulties that arose for people in this lecture is Dr. Ryce’s use of the labels “Winner” and “Loser” for those who choose to live on either the “upper path”, or the “lower path” respectively. This led to some confusion about whether people are actually either one or the other, “Winner” or “Loser”. The clarification I offered is that whenever I choose to deny truth and blame others for what I am feeling, I am choosing the “lower path”. If I consistently choose this path, I will experience my life as being full of conflict and myself as being a victim. This will result in my traveling the lower path and choosing to live life as a “Loser”, (one who always feels victimized and attacked). There is no such thing as a “Loser” or “Winner” in the absolute sense, because anyone can choose either path at anytime. We all have times when we get triggered to feeling negative emotions so intensely that we blame others or our circumstances for what we are feeling. At that moment we are traveling the “lower” path. When we recognize this we can use the tools of Forgiveness and Love of Truth to return ourselves to the “upper” path and restore our awareness to our true nature as the energy of Love.
The details of the processes by which we can get derailed and back on track are spelled out very clearly in this wonderful lecture by Dr. Ryce.

After the discussion a group member decided to work on a Reality Management worksheet and it turned into a very powerful session with lots of emotion which stirred the emotions of many other group members. The process was especially intense because the worksheet was about one member’s family of origin, which often stirs a lot of emotions for everyone in the room. Again I wish to thank each and every person who was present for their willingness to share and support others as they do the work of removing anything that is less than Love from their mind and body’s energy system.

We Come From Love, We Are Made Of Love, We Are Love! Everything else is false.

Last night the Mindshifters group in Woodstock, IL viewed the second half of the lecture by Dr. Michael Ryce titled, “The Laws of Living”. This lecture makes a clear distinction between the Natural Laws, and the rules that men make up to attempt to control one another. Some of the group members had fear and resentment resonate strongly within them as they listened to this lecture. We discussed in the group how the fear and resentment were already in the individual group members and that the lecture did not cause their reactions. This was clearly seen by the fact that others who were in the same room, listening to the same lecture had joy and a sense of hopefulness resonated within them as they watched the same video lecture. Our discussion focused for a while on how it may resonate disturbance in me to realize how far off the target my thinking and behavior has been, and in the same moment how it can resonate a sense of satisfaction and hopefulness when I realize that there is a different and more productive way to think and act.

Then it was time to do a Reality Management Worksheet and one of our group members, quickly volunteered. She was feeling a lot of upset and fear because there had been a death in her family and she suspected that the person may have taken his own life. This resonated fear in her because she has a son who is in the same line of work and she fears her son may become traumatized and then choose to end his life. As she worked through the Reality Management Worksheet this courageous group member gave the group a powerful example of the effectiveness of this tool and the seemingly limitless results one can achieve if they choose to hold the space of Love and apply willingness to the process.

There were times of tears and lots of focused breathing as this member worked through the worksheet process. When she finally got clear on the goal she held for this other person, which was being used to create a reality that resonated her intense fear, she did not want to cancel the goal. This is a common occurrence during the worksheet process. Her goal for the other person was that he “Get the help he needed and be alive today”. One may well ask why would you ever cancel such a loving and constructive goal. The answer is that while the goal is loving and constructive, it is being used in such a way that it is hiding the source of fear in the person who holds the goal. Any negative emotion I feel is my alarm signal telling me I am making a mistake. In this case the fear would be telling me that I am taking a perfectly good, loving and constructive goal and using it to hide from myself the source of the pain in my life. Fortunately for us, the goal is also the “key way” directly to the part of my mind that holds the painful energy I am experiencing. When I cancel the goal and hold the willingness to be shown the hidden part of my mind that holds the painful energy I am experiencing, I can heal or integrate that energy into the energy of Love which is my true nature. When this is done there is less of that painful, or disintegrating energy within me to be triggered or resonated the next time a similar situation occurs.

Once this group member cancelled her goal for someone else to “Get the help that they need and live life fully”, she was shown a memory of herself at age 6 in which she was told that someone she loved was alone and lonely because her fiance had died. She remembered the conclusion she held at six years of age that one’s life can change forever with a single outside event and that a person is powerless to change their life in anyway once that happens. This resonated deep sadness for the group member who was doing the worksheet and she breathed through the sadness and began to have a series of other realizations about events in her life and conclusions she has been carrying for years.

One of the powerful realizations this group member came to was that when she was a teenager, she had some trauma in her life and when she ran away from it, she did not get the help she needed and she did not treat herself well. This was a powerful demonstration of a Truth we observe in this work, that “I will never be upset about anything another person does or says unless I am still judging myself negatively for having done the same or similar things”. So her upset at a person who experienced trauma and then “did not get the help he needed to live a full and happy life”, was literally the judgment she held against herself for not getting the help she needed after she had experienced trauma, ran away from it, and did not “treat herself well”. We discussed a variety of different worksheet topics that had been revealed as she worked through this one worksheet and she made notes about future worksheets she can do, and about some key realizations she had during the group process. At the end of the process this group member stated that she felt much better about her current situation, even though she realized that there was much more work for her to do.

There simply are not adequate words to express the gratitude I feel for the people in this group who are doing their work and supporting others in doing their work. It is an honor and great pleasure to be able to participate in this process with each and every one of you who have attended this group, last night, and at anytime in the past. Thank You one and all!

We Come From Love, We Are Made Of Love, We Are Love! Everything else is false.

Last week on Mindshifters Internet Radio on Blogtalkradio.com, I made some statements in response to a question about whether I do counseling over the phone. Later that evening I received a text from someone who wanted to clarify that I had announced on the Internet show that I was working on building a relationship with a new woman in my life. I was completely surprised by this because I don’t remember having said anything about this during the radio show, and I am not currently in a relationship with a woman, or working on creating a relationship. Despite this fact, two intelligent and well-meaning people agreed that they had heard me say, during the Internet show, that I was working on creating a relationship with a woman.

I responded to the text and let them know that I did not remember saying anything about being in or working on a relationship. Then later that evening I was in the Mindshifters support group which is held each Tuesday evening from 6:30 – 9:00 pm at the Unity Spiritual Center in Woodstock, IL, and no less than four group members were trying to convince a fifth group member that she had “done a worksheet out loud in the group”. The person in question was completely clear that she has never offered to be the person who does a worksheet out loud in the group, and that she was still not ready to offer to do that last week. The more she stated what she remembered as the truth, the more evidence the other four group members offered from their memories to try to convince her that they were right and she was wrong.

As this was happening I just started to laugh, and offered the story of how two people had “heard” me say something on the Internet show that day that I was pretty certain I did not say. This led to a discussion about the distorting power of the way we want things to be. The people who “heard” me talk on the radio show are people who feel very kindly toward me and believe that I would be happy in a relationship. They clearly feel this would be a good thing for me and are holding the space of Love for me and hoping this will happen in my life. The people in the group who “remember” someone doing a worksheet out loud in the group clearly like, and feel kindly toward, the other member in question and they feel it would be beneficial if she did “another” worksheet out loud in the group. The problem is that she has never yet done a worksheet out loud in the group.

One might ask, “How could it be that at least four other people remember something that never happened?” The answer is to be found in the way we are all constantly creating our realities, and that this process is highly active and selective. We live within the fantasy which is fostered by our culture that says that perception is a passive process and that I simply open my eyes and see what is there to be seen. The fact is that we each create our separate realities from a very active process of not only screening out and selecting things to perceive in the moment, but by actively rearranging our “perceptions” from memories and creating realities from the past which never actually happened.

In the case of the members in the Mindshifters group, they simply reconstructed some memories of this person asking questions about a worksheet she had done on her own at home during the week between the group sessions. This led to a brief discussion and some suggestions for how this person could approach future worksheets. This series of events was experienced differently by everyone in the room and a few weeks later when that same person had some questions about the worksheet process, several group members wanted to support her in doing a worksheet out loud in the group and when she declined by saying that she was not ready to do that yet, they each constructed a memory from their individual realities which said that this member had already done a worksheet out loud in the group and that it helped her have powerful, positive results.

The reason for detailing this process is that this is the very process each of us use to construct realities in our lives, all day, every day! Furthermore, there is an alarm system which is built into each and everyone of us to let us know when we have used the wrong data to construct our realities, or used the accurate data to construct a false reality. That alarm system is our negative or painful emotions. The simple and direct way we talk about this in our work is to say, “If I am in pain, I am in error!” Whenever this happens we are invited to use the tool of Forgiveness to cancel and dismantle the false reality we have created, and restore our conscious awareness to our true nature as the energy of creation, or Love.

This tool is available for free at http://www.whyagain.org/index.php/en/worksheets

We Come From Love, We Are Made Of Love, We Are Love! Everything else is false.